INITIATING SEXUAL INTIMACY

All of us have been frustrated with our partners feeling that only one always initiate sexual intimacy.

But when it comes to initiation the answers are not always that straight forward, but one thing that has been proven to improve initiation from partners is communication.

We have had many times where one partner might feel horny and assume that if you do the dishes or be extra touchy feely the other will notice but nothing happens. No excitement build-up, Nada.

There are partners that have been together for many years and still do not know what turns each other on. That is why as cliché as it sounds it is very important to talk about it. It does not need to be a regular scheduled conversation like a teams meeting, but having the initial sit down will kick off more spontaneous conversations around sex and initiation. Generally if you have a partner who is shy initiating sex you would also find that that person is a pleaser. Pleasers are generally partners who want to keep the other happy at all cost and sometimes to the detriment of their own sexual desires. But pleasers may take time to come to grips with their sexual desires and expression as you communicate and it can be a great way to connect and explore sexually as a couple.

So grab a bottle of wine and light a fire or braai and have a talk about what turns each other on. This will give you insight into how and when initiation for your partner might work. We have included some questions you can ask to get to know each other’s desires.

What is your favourite way for me to let you know I am in the mood?

What is your favourite toy we use as a couple?

How often do you get horny during the week even if we are not together?

Name one time in the past month where I turned you and what did I do.

What is your favourite time of day to have sex?

How do you feel about scheduling sex? (It’s a thing)

Is there something you have always wanted to try but have not?

What is one thing you do not enjoy as much when we have sex?

How do you feel about sending me a text when you are horny just to let me know. Even if nothing can be done about it immediately. 

These few questions will open the door to more and I hope you have more great sex with some kinky surprises in between.

MC

WHEN DO WE STOP HAVING SEX

Ever wondered at what point the magic ends?

Will my partner want to stop making love before or after me? How do I keep the fun going for as long as possible?

You’d be surprised to know that there isn’t a set age limit, for men or women, when the desire for sex starts to die down. But due to biology and psychology it is bound to happen eventually.

So let’s break it down for each gender to help you better prepare for what’s to come.

WOMEN

In your 20s is when you are at your most fertile. So you are “wired” to have sex mainly for the purpose of reproduction. During this time you might be more picky about having sex and who you choose to sleep with.

Once you hit your 30s and 40s, after your fertility starts to decline, is when your sex drive is at it’s highest. You start having sex earlier in relationships, and start to see sex as a communication tool with your partner rather than a means to reproduce. You place more importance on sex and is more likely to stay sexually active during this time.

This is also the time when you might have already had a child (or more than one). Childbirth has an affect on your desire for sex, but it is different for each woman. Breastfeeding, raising kids, and other work can also affect the time, energy, and interest you have in sex. Although your hormones are all over the place during pregnancy, they should return to normal afterwards.

In your later age, 50s and over, is when you worry less about getting pregnant so you might actually become more interested in having sex. But this is also when you approach menopause and estrogen levels start to drop i.e. drop on libido (more on that here: https://www.moonlightcandy.com/post/low-libido )

MEN

At a younger age, like your teens and 20s, your testosterone levels are through the roof. Of course you are more hornier than you will ever be, but you also do not have a lot of experience. This creates some anxiety in men and can actually cause men to be “scared” of sex.

Even though testosterone starts to slowly decrease during your mid 30s, it isn’t by a lot so you will likely still be horny well into your old age, just a little less each year. It is also during your 30/40s that you become more experienced and confident in the bedroom. The major factors that contribute to men losing interest in sex are mostly stress, work, family commitments and overall health.

Interesting thing is that men can continue to have sex pretty much to the day they die, but factors such as mental health, medical conditions and medication can contribute to low libido and/or erectile dysfunction.

CONCLUSION

Bottomline, age is just a number when it comes to having sex. If you plan on “getting your freak on” well into your retirement, then the best advice would be to take care of your body, nurture your mental health, always communicate honestly with your partner, and consult a doctor where modern science can fill in the gaps.

Moonlight Candy Team

LOW LIBIDO

All men and women can experience low libido/sex drive. It simply refers to the lowered interest in having sex or a decrease in the frequency and/or intensity of sexual desire that you once had. So let’s break down a few facts to help you better understand and perhaps manage a low libido.

WHAT CAUSES LOW LIBIDO?

Here are a few factors to consider, but if any of these are applicable you should consult your GP for an expert opinion.

1. Relationship Problems It might be hard to admit to yourself or your partner, but this is the most common cause. Are you happy in the relationship? Are you over-familiar sexually? Does the relationship cause you stress?

2. Your Mental Health If you have a lot on your mind, sometimes thinking about sex might be at the bottom of the list. Are you stressed from being over-worked? Do you suffer from depression?

3. Medication A lot of medication has low sex drive listed as a side effect, especially anti-depressants. Make sure to be aware of the effects your medication has on your body.

4. Alcohol, Smoking and Drugs This is a bit of a “no brainer”. The excessive use of alcohol and drugs will definitely impact your desire to have sex. No need for us to even explain why smoking is bad.

5. Age and Hormones As our bodies get older, we have a drop in sex hormones and an increase in other health issues. Menopause, hysterectomy, and an underactive thyroid can also impact your hormonal levels leading to low libido.

WHAT CAN HELP IMPROVE YOUR LIBIDO?

Considering the causes listed above, it is clear that libido can be restored naturally most of the time by simply improving your lifestyle. Focus on your mental health and consult a professional like a therapist. Work on your relationship by increasing quality time and communication. Manage your stress better. Get more sleep. Improve your diet. Exercise regularly. Try sex therapy. Focus a bit more on foreplay and don’t be shy to try new things in bed…a new toy perhaps? 😉

DO LIBIDO PILLS WORK?

In short, “NO!”. The best these do is have a possible placebo effect. Since these pills are hardly regulated on no proven science to back them, they may end up causing more harm than good. The best advice would be to consult a doctor and start hormonal treatment or other legitimate medication.

IN SUMMARY

Low libido affects everyone and at different stages of their lives. How you decide to manage it comes down to personal choices. Ask yourself the hard questions and make the right decisions, since there might not be quick fix. Seek professional help if low libido impacts your overall well-being.

- Moonlight Candy Team